When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
