Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
BRING THE BAGELS
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
