We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
