i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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