You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
