I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
