If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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