last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
