my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
