i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
