What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
