Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
