I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
