I think I am morally bankrupt
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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