My nipple is on Facebook.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
