you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
