college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
