yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
