I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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