Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
