Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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