when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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