Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
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