Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
