Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Randomize
