I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
