Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize