I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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