We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
