I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
