why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
