I am in a vortex of obligation.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize