We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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