I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
