I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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