I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
There are leaves in my underwear?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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