i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
