I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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