Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
