i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
