I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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