I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just tell him i said nine months
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
