we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize