life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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