oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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