My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
