i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize