maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
