ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
