Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
