Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
