Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
