hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize