I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
