So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just threw up on my dentist
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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