Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Damn victory sex feels great
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize