Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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