if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
