This is not my ceiling
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
