haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
