I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
