i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
