I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Panties = found
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
