How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
