come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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