I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Screwed.edu
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
