so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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