Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
