I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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