I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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