glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I cut my penus on the lid.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
