I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize