I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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