I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
MIDGETS
????
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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